I spent today in pain. That’s nothing new. I spend most days in pain and I’ve come to accept it as my new normal. I try not to talk about it too much because if I did it would consume all my conversations. I have a couple of ladies who unfortunately share my understanding of chronic pain and they are the ones I open up with about it. I’m not sure that most people would understand what it feels like to know that every day you are going to hurt or understand how we can function the way we do in spite of it. I am working with several different kind of doctors to come up with solutions but so far we’ve gotten no where. But today was especially bad. Added to my normal pain and heart issues were itchy hives from a new pain medication. My resolve to push through and make the best of the day was challenged. I’ll admit that when Mike said he was going to be working late I felt frustrated and little down.
Lately I’ve felt like I am walking through the wilderness. Not in regards to my family or relationship with God but just with my body and sometimes my emotions. Everything feels dry and desolate. I try to keep this blog a place of honesty for myself because it’s somewhat cathartic to put it all our there but also because I think we have a tendency to sugar coat things. I want to let others know that we all struggle even if we don’t say it out loud. Just because someone’s facebook posts or instagram pictures are full of fun outings, cute crafts or perfect family photos doesn’t mean their life is perfect. When you look at my pictures from this weekend you see a laughing happy family out trick-or-treating in the rain; what you don’t see is me later that evening crying in my bedroom with my hands wrapped in heating pads. I think it’s too easy, in the time we live in, to only show others the perfect parts of our lives and in return they do the same. Then we feel alone in our struggles, thinking that no one else is having a hard time.
So this is me saying I’ve been struggling. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that life is perfect or that we don’t struggle. Not every day as a wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend is magical and a blessing. Some days take everything we have to make it to bedtime and today was one of those days for me. But then my husband walked through the door, after a 16 hour work day, with these
At the end of a challenging day of walking in the wilderness here was something fresh, beautiful and full of love. It made me think of this verse:
“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19
He is faithful to make a way where there is no way, to bring beauty to the ugly, to shine light in the darkness and remind of us of his faithfulness. Something as simple as flowers reminded me this evening that where I am is not permanent, although it can feel like it. I am trusting that God will make a road for me or lead me to a river in the midst of my desert. He is faithful. We can all have complete trust in that fact. He is faithful.